The Adventures of Wile E Coyote & the Road-Runner
by DSFanatic2010
Summary: A novelization/adaptation of the original Road-Runner cartoons with the intent of bringing the cartoons to print, and remaining faithful to the original material. Please leave feedback, because it will be greatly appreciated. Rated K for humor, and cartoon/slapstick violence.
1. Prologue: Out in the Desert

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Welcome to my first FanFiction project! This is a novelization of sorts of the original Road-Runner shorts in the late '40s to some today. I will do my best to remain as faithful as I can to the original cartoons, and keep the characters in character as best I can. This prologue is an intro to our stars and the basic premise. Please review and leave me feedback, and without further ado, enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER**

**I do not own any of the characters or plotline in this story. Those rights are reserved by Warner Bros. Entertainment. This story was written for entertainment purposes, not for monetary gain.**

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**PROLOGUE - Out in the Desert**

Ah, the desert. Hot, dry, dusty, arid, barren, whatever you want to call it. Covering the landscape is a plethora of sand dunes, cacti, strange rock formations, mesas, and the all-important roads. What people see is a wasteland devoid of life, color, and overall appeal. But what I see is wide-open spaces, room for free thinking, and the expanse to accomplish whatever your heart may desire. It should only be natural that I see this desert differently. After all, my home is here.

You see, I'm a coyote. Wile E. Coyote, if I may introduce myself. Some may call me _famishus vulgaris ingeniusi_, but either name will do. But one name I will never accept is "That one coyote who can't catch the Road-Runner". My life's devotion over these past few years is to catch a simple Road-Runner, or _birdibus zippibus_, whichever you prefer. Sometimes I don't understand why catching a Road-Runner would be so hard. It seemed so easy on paper!

I keep swearing to myself that someday a scheme will go my way, someday that blasted bird will fall for my traps, someday I will have that Road-Runner under a tureen! I do this because I know that as long as there is a Road-Runner in the desert, it is in my DNA to try and hunt it down, using whatever means necessary. I can't change this about me...

...because frankly, I don't have the money to change it.

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**DSFanatic2010 presents...**

**THE ADVENTURES OF WILE E. COYOTE & THE ROAD-RUNNER**

**Based on the characters created by Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese & the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons from Warner Bros. Pictures**


	2. Chapter 1: Fast & Furry-ous

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Sorry for the wait. I have a busy lifestyle, plus it is pretty time-consuming to adapt the cartoons to the written word. Now we get into the cartoon adaptations themselves. Remember, constructive criticism and feedback is greatly appreciated. I want to constantly improve this for you guys. Without further ado, enjoy!**

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**CHAPTER 1 - FAST & FURRY-OUS**

I suppose I should start at the beginning. I believe it was a couple years ago, and my local prey pack had decided to move on to another place. You can of course imagine how frustrated I was to find they had completely deserted their breeding grounds. _Well, Wile E., I guess it's time to begin another prey search..._ I thought to myself as I quickly scaled a nearby mesa and produced a pair of ACME Brand Binoculars to aid me in my search. I only did a once-around of my perimeter when I spotted something tearing up the roads, quite literally.

To say it was fast would be an understatement, it covered the intersections below me in a matter of seconds. And it looked absolutely delicious! With a slurp and with high hopes, I ran to the cave where I stored the eating utensils and quickly made my way down the mesa. I was so excited, I was sure this morsel would last me for quite a while, and with so many possibilities! I dashed as fast as my energy and adrenaline could take me, and soon the mesa path faded into the road, and I was on the chase! After catching up with my meal, I discovered it to be a road-runner, the most delectable of all desert birds. I could easily catch up to it and it was finally within my reach. I swung my knife and fork in front of me, in vain hopes of trying to put the bird out. Suddenly, it looked at me. The Road-Runner stuck its tongue out several times, cried "Beep, beep!" and dashed off like nothing I had ever seen! It went from my point to the horizon in two seconds flat, no joke. I slowed to a stop, my jaw dropping to the ground in disbelief. I was certainly dealing with a hard to catch bird.

Quickly, I picked my jaw up off the hot, sun-baked road, and started pacing. If I couldn't chase the Road-Runner down, I would figure out a plan to trap it and incapacitate it. After a minute, my eyes widened; I had come up with the perfect plan! In a flash, my utensils were in my hands, and I made a mad dash for my home. I would catch that Road-Runner yet!

**ATTEMPT#1**

Hiding out at a natural alleyway next to the road, I relayed the plan in my head: just as the Road-Runner arrives at my location, I hold out a metal tureen, making the Road-Runner crash into it and become mine for the taking! It was foolproof! As I heard a "Beep, beep!" in the distance, I knew the time had come. I grabbed the tureen, ready to let the bird have it. As the zoom came closer, I held the tureen out to the road and heard a short screech. I wondered why there wasn't a crash, and peered out. To my astonishment, the Road-Runner had stopped dead in his tracks mere inches from the tureen. Ready to escape, he stuck his tongue out several times, and with a "Beep, beep!", he was off. I was so enraged at my failure that I decided to throw the tureen down, forget everything, and give chase. As I was winding up to dash away, I saw the Road-Runner zoom back, pick up the tureen, and hold it out. It was too late; without thinking, I had leapt forward and fallen into my own trap. The only things I heard whilst every part in my body was shaking madly was a "Beep, beep!" and the now-familiar sound of the Road-Runner dashing away.

**ATTEMPT#2**

Eager to try again, I ordered a boomerang from ACME, and it arrived within minutes. This plan was simpler. I would throw the boomerang in the Road Runner's direction, and when it came back, it would circle around the bird and put him out of commission. The boomerang felt weighted and of high-quality, something I had come to expect from ACME, and just to make sure the boomerang would return, I gave it a good toss. To my surprise, a boomerang came and hit me in the face and circled down my body, until it hit the ground. I quickly turned in the direction that the boomerang came from, and The Road-Runner was staring back at me, a opened ACME boomerang box right beside him. As everything fell into place, I saw the tongue flick out, and the Road-Runner made his escape. Enraged at his cheek, I prepared to run after him when the same boomerang that I threw flew and hit me and circled down in the same way as the Road-Runner's. When they say that their boomerangs are guaranteed to return, they aren't kidding.

**ATTEMPT#3**

I relayed my new plan in my head as I painted a makeshift crosswalk on the asphalt. I would play the role of a schoolgirl crossing the street on the way to school. The Road-Runner would have to stop out of courtesy, and that's when I pounce. I brought out a school crossing sign so the Road-Runner could see the crosswalk and proceeded to get into my costume. Ready for my performance, I grabbed my schoolbook prop and started to skip across the crosswalk I created. My plan was foolproof, I absolutely knew it! I had gotten past the sign when the bird whizzed by me, the speed of his arrival and immediate departure sending me spinning wildly. By the time I finally settled down, I was clutching the sign for dear life, and the environment couldn't stop spinning. I heard the Road-Runner zip back to me and screech to a halt. When I looked up, I saw my schoolgirl wig on his head, and he was holding a sign. It said, "ROAD RUNNERS CAN'T READ". I'd thank the bird for this new info, but he sped off before I could give him the message.

**ATTEMPT#4**

I figured out that the only way to catch the Road-Runner, would be to fight fire with fire, or in this case, speed with something faster. I had a rocket on a ledge, and I was sitting on the rocket in the process of aiming the rocket to follow the bird. With everything in place, all there was left to do was to light the fuse and blast off in pursuit of dinner. I struck the match and lit the fuse. As the fuse burned shorter and the rocket started to shake and rumble, I gripped it tighter in anticipation. And then, with a loud blast, I blasted off...straight up. The rocket had broken free of the belts I had used to hold it in position and had shot straight up and into the ledge directly above me. I couldn't wait to get back to the drawing board...as soon as I freed myself from the ledge that I became stuck inside.

**ATTEMPT#5**

Careful measurements are a necessity in my traps. A pendulum is one of my favorite measuring tools. I employed it in this plan to help me balance a giant boulder over a small cliff. With every detail adding up, I quickly ran over to my blueprint to assess the plan. I pull out a key stone, which is the only objet stabilizing the boulder. The boulder would then fall on the Road-Runner and save me the trouble of mincing the meat for my burger. I decided to check my telescope one more time and after a couple of seconds, I saw the bird heading right this way. I was at the rope attached to the keystone in a flash, and I gave a good tug, which sent the keystone rushing out. My mouth began to water as the boulder tipped and shaked and ...and fell right on top of me. How that ever happened, I'll never know.

**ATTEMPT#6**

This time I felt like trying something I saw in a cartoon. I started painting over the white stripe on the road, easing off it after a distance. I then kept painting that stripe all the way through the desert until finally reaching a tall wall of rock. Grabbing some paint I stashed behind a boulder, I styled the wall to look just like a tunnel through to the other side. Of all the painting I've done, doing jobs like this one is my forte. After finishing, I retreated behind a boulder just in time to hear the Road-Runner's "beep, beep!" After a minute I heard him whizz by my location and off into the distance-wait what? With no splat? The Road-Runner had broken natural laws by running into my painting and ending up on the other side! Amazed, I decided to see if I could do it myself. It was the only way I could give chase. I stepped back and instantly sped off, only to face-plant the rock wall just as quickly. I stepped over to the left lane of my "road" in a daze, wondering how things could get worse. I quickly found my answer as the Road-Runner zoomed back through my "tunnel" and ran me over.

**ATTEMPT#7**

This time, I would try something a little simpler. A stick of dynamite in the road, which I would detonate as the bird got close. I was off at a distance with a plunger detonator, ready to let the bird have it. As he got close I readied myself and firmly pushed the plunger down. I heard a satisfying BOOM, but as it turned out, the detonator exploded right in my face, leaving the dynamite unscathed. As the Road-Runner zipped away, I made a mental note to contact ACME about a product defect.

**ATTEMPT#8**

For my next attempt, I thought being a superhero would help me catch that infernal Road-Runner. A simple ACME Super's Outfit would surely do the job. Thinking I could fly now, I decided to run off a cliff and try it. I built up speed, I was confident, I actually felt like a superhero. With a great leap off the cliff, I spread my arms out wide, and dropped like a ton of bricks to the ground 100 feet below.

**ATTEMPT#9**

It was my biggest purchase from ACME Online yet. A fridge, an electric motor, a meat grinder, and a pair of skis, all coming together in what I liked to call, The Desert Skier. It would have made millions on a shopping website, but that wasn't on my mind at the time. The Road-Runner was. As soon as I started the motor, ice came churning out of the fridge and into the meat grinder, which ground the ice into a fine snow. My path was set and I shoved off. I skied faster and faster down the mountain, actually whizzing right past the Road-Runner as he stopped before he crossed my path. It was another failure, and to top it off, I was heading right over a cliff! I had no way of stopping, leaving me with the only option of waiting to see if my contraption could carry me to the cliff on the other side. I began to sweat as my motor started sputtering, smoking, and grinding to a halt. As soon as the motor died, I gulped as my fate was sealed. I had come just short of the other cliff, and it was a quick drop to the unforgiving earth below. Not long after I hit the ground, the motor started again, and my ice-snow began to fall all over my head. A strange impulse told me to hold up a Merry Xmas sign, so I did, not knowing why I did so.

**ATTEMPT#10**

Why didn't I think of this before? If I want to catch the Road-Runner, I need to match his speed! A simple fix, though, with ACME'S Fleet Foot Jet-Propelled Tennis Shoes. As soon as I slipped them on, I could already feel more speedy. A dash to a faraway mesa in 1/2 second confirmed my thoughts. I was ready to finally outrun that darned bird, when he suddenly appeared. He performed his tongue thing and dashed away. Of course, I was quick to speed off too. But no sooner that I dashed away, I looked back to see the Road-Runner had stayed in place. He had fooled me! I arrived back to his position in a snap, ready to clobber him. But it was then that he decided to "dash off" again. I knew it was coming, so I "dashed off" too, ready to grab him in his place. But when the dust settled, he was truly gone! All my anger fueled me as I sped away in pursuit. I quickly caught up with the bird, and our chase led to a series of over and underpasses on the highway. Whenever I was on an overpass, the Road-Runner was on an underpass and vice versa. I just couldn't seem to stay on the same level as that bird! I stopped to think about things, but I realized too late that that was a mistake, as the Road-Runner ran me over. Now that I was finally on the same level as him, catching the bird would be a lot easier. I was running and running. then jumping and jumping as my shoes started to sputter and shoot off random jets of power. One jet sent me spinning out of control, almost making me sick. When the spinning stopped, I was sitting on the road, my shoes out of gas. Things seemed hopeless, until a sign caught my eye: "SHORTCUT". My hopes reinvigorated, I jumped up and dashed down the path.

**ATTEMPT#11**

About 5 miles down the short cut, I was hiding behind a billboard, axe in hand. A "beep, beep!" confirmed that the Road-Runner was close. I bounded out from my cover and prepared to chop the bird. But to my horror, the "beep, beep" wasn't from a Road-Runner, but from a bus! It was too close to be avoided and I chose to take the pain as the bus ran me over like a skunk. In a daze and covered from head to toe in bruises, I looked back at the bus, and spotted the Road-Runner in the very back seat, looking at me. With one last "Beep, beep!", he brought down a shade, confirming my dread that I wouldn't be able to catch him today.

**That's all Folks!**

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Thanks for reading! I again apologize for the excruciatingly long wait between the prologue and this chapter. I'm hoping to upload more frequently once school lets out, so I can keep updating this story. Remember to leave feedback and suggestions in the reviews section, because I want to see if I can improve this for you guys. Thanks again and I'll see ya.**


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